People who carry knives like to do it right. For those in need of some guidance, we have unearthed this ancient text – The 10 Knife Commandments.
1: Thou shalt ALWAYS carry a knife!
The world is filled with vines, briars, and all manner of fibrous material. Many parcels and foodstuffs must be divided asunder to be of use. If thou hast a knife, thou shalt laugh in the face of those things which bind thee.
2: Thou shalt use thy knife for much more than cutting.
Only the fool looks upon the knife as simply a tool of cutting. The wise man knows the knife to cut, but also to occupy the hand in play, or to be a symbol of worldly wealth and status over others.
3: Thou shalt have a knife for every purpose.
Shame on thee, sith. Thou shalt not deal in absolutes! No one knife can be thy good and faithful servant in all things! Perfection is not of this world! Thou shalt seek after many knives which can satisfy thy many needs. In the house of the wise, there are stores of wine, oil, and knives.
4: Thou shalt show unto all thy friends thy knives.
Thou hast the gift of the sharp and pointy! Go now, and show thy knives unto thy neighbor, and thy neighbor’s wife, and thy neighbor’s manservant, and thy neighbor’s ox. Thou shalt not hide thy knife under a bushel!
5: Thou shalt possess tools with which to care for thy knives.
6: Thou shalt join a knife tribe.
7: Thou shalt make a pilgrimage to Blade Show.
At Blade Show, even far away on Atlanta’s plain, you will connect with your brethren of the blade. The soul’s sincere desire is to find such a connection. While thou art there, thou shalt make a visit to the Blade HQ booth!
8: Thou shalt speak in knife jargon.
Many words are not used by the unenlightened but must be used by you. Words such as “slicey”, “jimping”, “Timascus”, “TactiCool”, and others. Study them, and use them, and you will find favor with your brethren.
9: Thou shalt be a lay metallurgist.
Thou shalt build loyalties to specific steel alloys, and thou shalt defend their honor on internet forums. All of thy knives shall be made of these steels.
10: Thou shalt have a color-coordinated EDC loadout.
If you follow these knife commandments, you will find joy in your knives! Speaking of, isn’t it about time you picked up another one?